You might give thought as to whether control matters too much to you.

It's very very quiet in that room and in that moment, with a silence that seems to have a physical presence as tight and tense as Pwyll's shoulders appear to be.

She resists an impulse to clear her throat, to break the silence with something other than her voice, before she speaks. She also resists an impulse to whisper.

"He could not have done this, not have been found worthy, had he not been traveling towards the Goddess all his life. I don't know if this is of aid to you, but I offer it as true."

From:

still_golden

Traveling towards the Goddess all his life.

Jen's head comes up sharply, the blood draining from her face.

Jaelle's right. Jaelle doesn't know how right she is, but Jennifer does -- after all those nights with Kevin, how could she not?

The grayness she moves in offers no protection from this sudden understanding, this loss.

From:

Paul wipes his eyes, in a short angry motion, and turns around just in time to see Jennifer rise, her face white.

It's more emotion than he's seen from her since they left Darien with Vae, that first time, and he realizes with a shock that if she's open to this - if she's open to this, she must now be open to everything.

He takes a step towards her, helplessly.

From:

still_golden

She doesn't want his comfort; she doesn't think she could stand it right now, not from Paul, not from anyone.

There's a sob trying to escape her throat, but if she starts to weep now, she'll never stop. Still, she can't stop the choked sound she makes as she turns and flees the room, not caring where she'll go.

From:

Dave rises to follow her, awkwardly. He doesn't know if he can help - doesn't know what to say, doesn't ever - but he can't just let her run off alone.

From:

But another figure in the hallway blocks his way.

"Let her go," Leila says, half Dave's size, staring up at him with calm unfathomable eyes. "This was necessary."

From:

Where the hell did she come from? Paul thinks, staring, and feeling rage rise out of grief inside of him.

Why, why is this - this ever-placid child always here?

"Shut up!" he snaps, suddenly, and feels a sudden shocking irrational urge to strike the girl.

From:

She is here, Jaelle would tell him, because she is Leila. It is all the reason there is, and all the reason there needs to be, and yet no reason at all.

Some mysteries are best not known, even by the Lord of the Summer Tree.

But, then, it's not the Lord of the Summer Tree who just snapped at the girl, it's a man whose friend has gone. Gone to the Goddess, and done a great thing, but gone none the less.

"Leila," she says, wearily, "close the door and go away."

From:

And the girl does.

Paul feels his anger drain away as rapidly as it had come, leaving a great emptiness behind.

He sinks into the nearest chair - not caring, for once, that Jaelle should see him as less than strong. It doesn't matter now. None of it matters.

They shall not grow old, as we that are left; the poem recited at war memorials . . .

"Where's Loren?" he asks, abruptly.

From:

"In town," Dave says - glad of a question he can answer. "So's Teyrnon. There's a meeting in the palace tomorrow. It seems . . . it seems Kim and the other did find out what was causing the winter."

From:

The winter Kevin broke.

Tiredly: "What was it?"

From:

"Metran."

"From Cader Sedat. Loren wants to go after him, to the island where Amairgen died."

She says it matter of factly, with no hint of her opinion on that course of action.

From:

Paul sighs. He should be asking about the plans, about the source, Metran's powers -

So much happening, and he can't keep up. Can't even move past this one event; his mind keeps returning, circling . . .

Suddenly, he realizes that someone's missing.

"- is Kim in the palace? Is she all right?"

From:

Jaelle looks up at him, surprised by the question.

She'd forgotten he didn't know.

From:

Paul stares - reading in their faces, something -

"- no! Not her too!" he exclaims, before he can think.

From:

Hastily: "No, no, no -"

The news of Kevin is cruel enough without letting him the worst. "No, she's all right. She's just . . . not here."

Dave turns helplessly to Jaelle, for a better explanation.

From:

Quietly and calmly, still keeping her opinion out of the telling, she explains. She tells him what the Kimberly had said about the Giants, and what the Seer had, therefore, decided to do.

From:

Dave clears his throat, in the silence that follows.

"We should go."

From:

"Go ahead," Paul murmurs.

His mind doesn't seem to be working very well. He can't think of anything to say to Dave - and even if he could, he's not quite sure he can stand up.

"I'll catch up."

From:

Dave turns to leave, but pauses in the doorway, looking back.

"I wish -"

He breaks off, swallowing. He doesn't know what to say to Paul, either - Paul, Kevin's best friend - it's probably best to leave him alone, but -

"- I wish a lot of things."

He goes out.

From:

And Paul is alone with Jaelle.

He doesn't want to be. He can't cope with the Priestess. Not now.

He would have to go, after all, he thinks, and starts mobilizing his legs to rise.

From:

The silence is back, heavy and tense.

This time, she does clear her throat before she speaks, but she doesn't look at him.

"You asked me once if there could be a sharing of burdens between us and I said no."

She turns back to him, unsmiling, and goes on. "I am wiser now, and the burdens are heavier. I learned something a year ago from you, and from Kevin again two nights ago.

"Is it too late to say I was wrong?"

From:

It catches him off-guard.

He's not ready for this; not ready for any of what seems to be happening.

A sharing of burdens? The one who has shared his burden is Kevin, and Kevin isn't coming back from it. As he had. Not wanting to, as he had.

Perhaps if he hadn't, the rules would have played out differently.

As we that are left . . .

He is all grief, now, and all bitterness, and he cannot deal with this.

"I'm so pleased we've been of use to you," he says, and his voice is perfectly flat.

He sees her head snap back in shock; can't care.

"You must try me on a better day."

And, rising, he pushes himself up and out of the room so she will not see him weep.

From:

She stands, with her hands still at her sides, and watches him go, through narrowed eyes.

She had expected Pwyll to know what it would cost her to offer that, to anyone, but especially to him, Lord of the Summer Tree, who has heard the voice of the Goddess.

From: